The CISO’s Lament (It’s in the SIEM)

With apologies to the Pet Shop Boys, I’ve had the idea for some security-themed lyrics to the tune of “It’s a Sin” for well over 10 years. But I never could put together a full set of lyrics. And every year in October – the unofficial Cybersecurity Awareness Month – I was reminded that I really should try to finish the lyrics.

So this year, I decided to actually do it. You can thank me or hate me for it, but hopefully it’s a nice momentary diversion in the midst of the AI-driven exploits and vulnerability discoveries.

The CISO’s Lament (It’s in the SIEM)

(20 petabytes and counting
Query 27% complete, budget’s not OK)

When I look back upon my life
It’s always with a sense of rage
I’ve always been the one to blame
For every log I ingest to
Capture when and where and who
To see just what went through
It’s in the, in the, in the, in the SIEM
In the SIEM
Everything they’ve ever done
Everything they ever do
Every place they’ve ever been
Everywhere they’re going to
It’s in the SIEM

At school they taught me how to be
So sure in thought and word and deed
Then reality intervened
For every log I ingest to
Capture when and where and who
To see just what went through
It’s in the, in the, in the, in the SIEM
In the SIEM
Everything they’ve ever done
Everything they ever do
Every place they’ve ever been
Everywhere they’re going to
It’s in the SIEM

Clicked on a phish link, Downloaded malware
Shopped online all day, when not watching Youtube
Whatever I taught you, you didn’t believe it
Users, you fight me, ’cause you didn’t care
And you still don’t understand
So I look back upon my life
Forever with a sense of rage
I’ve always been the one to blame.
For every log I ingest to
Capture when and where and who
To see just what went through
It’s in the, in the, in the, in the SIEM
In the SIEM
Everything they’ve ever done
Everything they ever do
Every place they’ve ever been
Everywhere they’re going to
It’s in the SIEM

It’s in the, in the, in the, in the SIEM
It’s in the, in the, in the, in the SIEM
(Confitentur omnipotenti SIEM quia peccaverunt nimis cogitatione, verbo, opere et actione, sed non est culpa eorum.)